can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
zippers are such a cool invention
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
