McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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