My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
