His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
