guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
