Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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