all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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