im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize