I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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