Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
