Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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