just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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