may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
