You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Alive.
So much puke
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
