Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
now i know why i became what i already was.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
