i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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