It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
