Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
