the condom got lost in my hair
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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