this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am available for nakedness
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
