they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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