and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
