Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
