I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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