Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
