I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
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I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(