Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently you make a good broom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased