i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito