We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.