tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session