Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...