I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
