Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
