My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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