It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
