she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
