I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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