how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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