considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize