I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
