It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
