You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have aggressive nipples.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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