I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
