My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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