i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
