He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
