you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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