Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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