Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
