Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
