i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
