the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
