Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
