Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
