Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
