and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i think i just lost a toe
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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