just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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