We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
