so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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