i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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