I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
