I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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