If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
