She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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