Plan B is the new Plan A
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
