Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
