My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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