If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
