Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
