i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
