I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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