Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
