Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
