Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
