All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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