she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
