Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
